BOOKS   BY   OLIVER   HERFORD 

WITH  PICTURES  BY  THE  AUTHOR 
PUBLISHED  BY  CHARLES  SCRIBNER'S  SONS 

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The  Mythological  Zoo 


The  Mythological  Zoo 

By 
Oliver  Herford 


New  York    •    Charles  Scribner's  Sons 
1912 


Copyright,  1912,  by  Oliver  Herford 


Published  September,  1912 


To 
Elwyn  Barren 

With  Affectionate  Regard 


908951 


Contents 

Page 

Medusa ....         2 

The  Siren     ...  

The  Dolphin       ...  6 

The  Cockatrice  .  .... 

Cerberus      ...  .... 

The  Sphinx ...  • 

The  Sea  Serpent 

The  Salamander.       ...  .  '6 

The  Jinn 18 

The  Mermaid 20 

The  Unicorn 22 

The  Satyr  24 


Contents 

Page 

The  Gargoyle      .                      26 

The  Chimera       .                       28 

The  Phoenix 30 

The  Gryphon 32 

The  Harpy 34 

The  Centaur 36 

Pegasus 38 

The  Hydra 40 

The  Hyppogriff 42 

The  Minotaur                                                          .       .  44 


The  Mythological 
Zoo 


Medusa 

How  did  Medusa  do  her  hair? 

The  question  fills  me  with  despair. 

It  must  have  caused  her  sore  distress 

That  head  of  curling  snakes  to  dress. 

Whenever  after  endless  toil 

She  coaxed  it  finally  to  coil, 

The  music  of  a  Passing  Band 

Would  cause  each  separate  hair  to  stand 

On  end  and  sway  and  writhe  and  spit,— 

She  couldn't  "do  a  thing  with  it." 

And,  being  woman  and  aware 

Of  such  disaster  to  her  hair, 

What  could  she  do  but  petrify 

All  whom  she  met,  with  freezing  eye? 


The  Siren 

The  Siren  may  be  said  to  be 

The  Chorus-Lady  of  the  Sea; 

Tho'  Mermaids  claim  her  as  their  kin, 

Instead  of  fishy  tail  and  fin 

Two  shapely  feet  rejoice  the  view 

(With  all  that  appertains  thereto). 

When  to  these  other  charms  we  add 

A  voice  that  drives  the  hearer  mad, 

Who  will  dispute  her  claim  to  be 

The  Chorus-Lady  of  the  Sea? 


The  Dolphin 

The  Dolphin  was,  if  you  should  wish 
To  call  him  so,— the  King  of  Fish. 
Though  having  neither  gills  nor  scales, 
His  title  should  be  Prince  of  Whales. 
While  too  small  waisted  to  provide 
A  Jonah  with  a  Berth  Inside, 
The  Dolphin  has  been  known  to  pack 
A  Drowning  Sailor  on  his  back 
And  bear  him  safely  into  port,- 
He  was  a  Taxi-whale,  in  short. 


The  Cockatrice 

If  you  will  listen  to  advice 

You  will  avoid  the  Cockatrice  - 

A  caution  I  need  hardly  say 

Wholly  superfluous  to-day. 

Yet  had  you  lived  when  they  were  rife 

Such  warning  might  have  saved  your  life. 

To  meet  the  Cockatrice's  eye 

Means  certain  death  —  and  that  is  why 

When  I  its  features  here  portray 

I  make  it  look  the  other  way. 

O  Cockatrice!   were  you  so  mean 

What  must  the  //enatrice  have  been! 


Cerberus 

Dear  Reader,  should  you  chance  to  go 

To  Hades,  do  not  fail  to  throw 

A  "Sop  to  Cerberus"  at  the  gate, 

His  anger  to  propitiate. 

Don't  say  "Good  dog!"  and  hope  thereby 

His  three  fierce  Heads  to  pacify. 

What  though  he  try  to  be  polite 

And  wag  his  Tail  with  all  his  might, 

How  shall  one  amiable  Tail 

Against  three  angry  Heads  prevail? 

The  Heads  must  win. — What  puzzles  me 

Is  why  in  Hades  there  should  be 

A  Watch  dog;  'tis,  I  should  surmise, 

The  last  place  one  would  burglarize. 


10 


The  Sphinx 


She  was  half  Lady  and  half  cat — 

What  is  so  wonderful  in  that? 

Half  of  our  lady  friends  (so  say 

The  other  half)  are  Cats  to-day. 

In  Egypt  she  made  quite  a  stir, 

They  carved  huge  Images  of  her. 

Riddles  she  asked  of  all  she  met 

And  all  who  answered  wrong,  she  ate. 

When  (Edipus  her  riddle  solved 

The  minx  —  I  mean  the  Sphinx — dissolved 

In  tears. — What  is  there,  when  one  thinks, 

So  wonderful  about  the  Sphinx? 


12 


The  Sea  Serpent 

O  wondrous  worm  that  won  the  Height 
Of  Fame  by  keeping  out  of  sight! 
Never  was  known  on  Land  or  Sea 
Such  a  Colossal  Modesty; 
Never  such  arrogant  pretence 
Of  Ostentatious  Diffidence. 
Celebrity  whom  none  has  seen, 
Save  some  Post  Prandial  Marine, 
No  magazine  can  reproduce 
Your  Photograph.— Oh,  what's  the  use 
Of  doing  things  when  one  may  be 
So  Famous  a  Nonentity ! 


14 


The  Salamander 

The  Salamander  made  his  bed 

Among  the  glowing  embers  red. 

A  Fiery  Furnace,  to  his  mind, 

Hygiene  and  Luxury  combined. 

He  was,  if  I  may  put  it  so, 

A  Saurian  Abednigo. 

He  loved  to  climb  with  nimble  ease 

The  branches  of  the  Gas-log  Trees 

Where  oft  on  chilly  winter  nights 

He  rose  to  dizzy  Fahrenheits. 

Believers  in  Soul  Transmigration 

See  in  him  the  Re-incarnation 

Of  those  Sad  Plagues  of  summer,  who 

Ask,  "Is  it  hot  enough  for  you?" 


16 


The  Jinn 


To  call  a  Jinn  the  only  thing 

One  needed  was  a  magic  ring. 

You  rubbed  the  ring  and  forth  there  came 

A  monster  born  of  smoke  and  flame, 

A  thing  of  Vapor,  Fume  and  Glare 

Ready  to  waft  you  anywhere. 

The  magic  Jinns  of  yesterday 

The  wand  of  Science  now  obey. 

You  ring,  and  lo!  with  rush  and  roar 

The  panting  monster's  at  the  door, 

A  thing  of  Vapor,  Fume  and  Glare 

Ready  to  take  you  anywhere. 

What's  in  a  name?   What  choice  between 

The  Giants,  Jinn  and  Gasolene? 


18 


The  Mermaid 

Although  a  Fishwife  in  a  sense, 
She  does  not  barter  Fish  for  Pence. 
Fisher  of  Men,  her  Golden  Nets 
For  foolish  Sailormen  she  sets. 
All  day  she  combs  her  hair  and  longs 
For  Dimpled  Feet  and  Curling-tongs. 
All  night  she  dreams  in  ocean  caves 
Of  Low  tide  Shoes  and  Marcel  Waves, 
And  while  the  Fishwife,  making  sales, 
May  sell  her  wares  upon  her  scales, 
The  Mermaid,  wonderful  to  tell, 
Must  wear  her  scales  upon  hersel'. 


20 


1 


The  Unicorn 

The  Unicorn  's  a  first-rate  sort. 
He  helps  the  Lion  to  support 
The  royal  arms  of  England's  King 
And  keep  the  Throne  from  tottering. 
I  wonder  what  the  King  would  do 
If  his  supporters  all  withdrew? 
Perhaps  he  'd  try  the  Stage ;  a  Throne 
Should  be  an  easy  stepping-stone 
To  histrionic  Heights,  and  who 
Knows  till  he  tries  what  he  can  do? 
The  King,  with  diligence  and  care, 
Might  rise  to  be  a  Manager. 


22 


The  Satyr 


The  Satyr  lived  in  times  remote, 
A  shape  half-human  and  half-goat, 
Who,  having  all  Man's  faults  combined 
With  a  Goat's  nature  unrefined, 
Was  not  what  you  would  call  a  bright 
Example  or  a  shining  light. 
Far  be  it  from  me  to  condone 
The  Satyr's  sins,  yet  I  must  own 
I  like  to  think  there  were  a  few 
Young  Satyrs  who  to  Heaven  flew, 
And  when  Saint  Peter,  thunder  browed, 
Seeing  them,  cried,  "No  goats  allowed!" 
Although  the  gate  slammed  quickly  to, 
Somehow  their  human  halves  got  through; 
Whereat  the  kindly  saint  relented, 
And  that  's  how  Cherubs  were  invented. 

24 


The  Gargoyle 

The  Gargoyle  often  makes  its  perch 
On  a  cathedral  or  a  church, 
Where,  mid  ecclesiastic  style, 
It  smiles  an  early-Gothic  smile. 
And  while  the  parson,  dignified, 
Spouts  at  his  weary  flock  inside, 
The  Gargoyle,  from  its  lofty  seat, 
Spouts  at  the  people  in  the  street, 
And,  like  the  parson,  seems  to  say 
To  those  beneath  him,  "Let  us  spray." 
I  like  the  Gargoyle  best;  it  plays 
So  cheerfully  on  rainy  days, 
While  parsons  (no  one  can  deny) 
Are  awful  dampers  —  when  they  're  dry. 


26 


The  Chimera 

You  'd  think  a  lion  or  a  snake 
Were  quite  enough  one's  nerves  to  shake; 
But  in  this  classic  beast  we  find 
A  lion  and  a  snake  combined, 
And,  just  as  if  that  were  n't  enough, 
A  goat  thrown  in  to  make  it  tough. 
Let  scientists  the  breed  pooh!  pooh! 
Come  with  me  to  some  Social  Zoo 
And  hear  the  bearded  Lion  bleat 
Goat-like  on  patent-kidded  feet, 
Whose  "Civil  leer  and  damning  praise" 
The  serpent's  cloven  tongue  betrays. 
Lo!  lion,  goat,  and  snake  combined! 
Thus  Nature  doth  repeat  her  kind. 


28 


The  Phoenix 

The  Phoenix  was,  as  you  might  say, 
The  burning  question  of  his  day: 
The  more  he  burned,  the  more  he  grew 
Splendiferous  in  feathers  new. 
And  from  his  ashes  rising  bland, 
Did  business  at  the  same  old  stand. 
But  though  good  people  went  about 
And  talked,  they  could  not  put  him  out, 
A  wond'rous  bird  —  indeed,  they  say 
He  is  not  quite  extinct  to-day. 


30 


The  Gryphon 


It  chanced  that  Allah,  looking  round, 
When  he  had  made  his  creatures,  found 
Half  of  an  Eagle  and  a  pair 
Of  extra  Lion  legs  to  spare. 
So,  hating  waste,  he  took  some  glue 
And  made  a  Gryphon  of  the  two. 
But  when  his  handiwork  he  eyed, 
He  frowned  —  and  it  was  petrified, 
Doomed  for  all  time  to  represent 
Impatience  on  a  monument. 
Sometimes  upon  our  path  to-day 
Its  living  counterpart  will  stray  — 
Columbia's  Eagle  strutting  in 
An  awfly  English  Lion's  skin, 
With  glass  in  eye  and  swagg'ring  gait: 
Behold  the  Gryphon  up  to  date. 

32 


The  Harpy 


They  certainly  contrived  to  raise 
Queer  ladies  in  the  olden  days. 
Either  the  type  had  not  been  fixed, 
Or  else  Zoology  got  mixed. 
I  envy  not  primeval  man 
This  female  on  the  feathered  plan. 
We  only  have,  I'm  glad  to  say, 
Two  kinds  of  human  bird  to-day  — 
Women  and  warriors,  who  still 
Wear  feathers  when  dressed  up  to  kill. 


34 


The  Centaur 

The  Centaur  led  a  double  life: 

Two  natures  in  perpetual  strife 

He  had,  that  never  could  agree 

On  what  the  bill-of-fare  should  be; 

For  when  the  man-half  set  his  heart 

On  taking  dinner  a  la  carte, 

The  horse  was  sure  to  cast  his  vote 

Unswervingly  for  table  d'OA  T. 

A  pretty  sort  of  life  to  lead; 

The  horse  in  time  went  off  his  feed, 

The  hungry  man  was  nigh  demented, 

When  one  day  —  OATMEAL  was  invented! 


36 


Pegasus 

The  ancients  made  no  end  of  fuss 
About  a  horse  named  Pegasus, 
A  famous  flyer  of  his  time, 
Who  often  soared  to  heights  sublime, 
When  backed  by  some  poetic  chap 
For  the  Parnassus  Handicap. 
Alas  for  fame!    The  other  day 
I  saw  an  ancient  "one-hoss  shay" 
Stop  at  the  Mont  de  Piete, 
And,  lo!  alighting  from  the  same, 
A  bard,  whom  I  forbear  to  name. 
Noting  the  poor  beast's  rusty  hide 
(The  horse,  I  mean),  methought  I  spied 
What  once  were  wings.    Incredulous, 
I  cried,  "Can  this  be  Pegasus!" 


38 


The  Hydra 

The  Hydra  Hercules  defied, 
Its  nine  diminished  heads  must  hide 
Before  the  baneful  modern  beast 
Who  has  a  thousand  heads  at  least. 
See  how  in  horrid  tiers  they  rise, 
With  straining  ears  and  bulging  eyes, 
While,  blinded  by  fierce  calcium  rays, 
The  trembling  victim  tribute  pays 
Of  song  or  measure,  mime  or  jest, 
To  soothe  the  savage  Hydra's  breast. 
If  she  please  not  the  monster's  whim, 
Wild  scribes  will  tear  her  limb  from  limb; 
Even  if  charmed,  he  rend  the  air 
With  hideous  joy,  let  her  beware; 
For  she  must  surely,  soon  or  late, 
Fall  'neath  the  hissing  Hydra's  hate. 

40 


i: 


The  Hyppogriff 

Biologists  are  prone  to  sniff 

At  hybrids  like  the  Hyppogriff. 

In  evolution's  plan,  they  say, 

There  is  no  place  for  such  as  they. 

A  horse  with  wings  could  not  have  more 

Than  two  legs,  and  this  beast  had  four. 

Well,  I  for  one  am  glad  to  waive 

Two  of  his  legs,  his  wings  to  save. 

I  'd  even  sell  my  auto  —  if 

I  had  one  —  for  a  Hyppogriff. 


42 


The  Minotaur 

No  book  of  monsters  is  complete 
Without  the  Minotaur  of  Crete. 
Yet  should  I  draw  him  you  would  quail, 
So  in  his  place  I  draw  a  veil. 
O  stars,  that  from  Creation's  birth 
Have  winked  at  everything  on  earth, 
Who  shine  where  poets  fear  to  tread, 
Relate  the  story  in  my  stead! 


Although  it 's  comforting  to  know 
That  Theseus  slew  him  long  ago, 
We  need  not  boast,  we  too  could  do 
With  —  well,  a  Theseus  or  two. 


44 


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